I Need My Time.

This morning I woke up grumpy. The responsibilities and lack of sleep from the days, weeks and months past caught up with me. So here’s a glimpse into the night before.  I stayed up crafting a Mardi Gras float for my 4 year old to take to school. In New Orleans this is a thing for the kids. You grab an old shoe box from the closet, construction paper, glitter and anything else you can find and go to work creating and decorating a shoebox float. 

I was up way too late decorating the shoe box float. On top of this, my 14 month old still wants to nurse at night and last night she decided to wake up 4 times during the night… just because. Although all three of my girls were bathed and put in bed by 8:30pm, they didn’t all go to sleep until hours later and one-by-one. My husband who is a pastor and employed full-time was sick and medicated and struggling to breathe through most of this.  So after finally being able to get into bed I’m scratching my head like really, this is mommy life?

But, saying all of this, I have to say it’s not much it’s actually somewhat normal life for most people. I believe what has caught up with me more than anything else, even more than lack of sleep, is the lack of meaningful quality time with God. I have not been spending that quality time each day with Him and it’s showing on me.  I have this nice little planner/ calendar that I use to reflect on what I’ve read, take notes, and keep prayer lists. It’s been very helpful. But it also shows me the last time I’ve read, reflected and noted.

When I looked at my planner this morning I noticed it’s been 5 days since I sat down and spent some quality quiet time. This may not sound like a lot but it’s just the amount of space the devil needed to send my flesh reeling.  I was short-tempered last night. I was horrible – angry. My holy-spirit filled self might have just smiled and kept driving when the other car cut me off. This morning it made me so angry! I need more of Christ living in me to be a nice person. I need my time with God. Now, YOU may be naturally nice all the time but I’m not even putting up the charade. It’s time for us to get real. Too many Instagram Stories are doing just that, telling stories. Being real… I was MAD.

So you see, I must get in and get right with God every single day. It’s just not an option. As I sat in my car impatient with everyone, aggravated by the slightest thing, and quick to anger – the exact opposite of what I desire to be. I said a little, desperate prayer. Lord I’m sorry for this horrible attitude. I’m sorry for not reading your word each day. I need you! Fill me with your Holy Spirit. Instantly, that still small voice said, abide in me and I will abide in you. Ah-ha! That’s it! It’s not always easy but it’s necessary.

I know I’m going to have off days, tired days, stretched thin days. But God’s promises are true. His promises are in His word, we don’t have far to look. Start in the word. Pick a time. Make a plan. And do it every day. When he says come to me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest, it’s not an idea it’s a promise right there in the scriptures.  You have an open bank account of promised rest and peace with God. Why aren’t you claiming it, using it?

So this morning, I’m back Lord – off track for a moment but back on track now. He is so good and so gracious to allow us to mess up in one moment and get fixed in the next. Yes, fix it Jesus! He knows us and He knows we aren’t perfect. God’s grace is sufficient. It is enough. It gives me peace to know his grace will cover me. I pray the same peace and grace for you.